The Preteen Monster...erm I mean Child.

As you know I have two children and my oldest is in the 5th grade. As such she is struggling with learning not only the daily academia but also the ins and outs of social interaction. Don't get me wrong, each child struggles with this, but usually by 5th grade they've figured out how to be working units in a group dynamic. Then you toss 60+ children all dumping life changing hormones into a three tiny classrooms and you have a breeding ground for catty displays of territorial proclamation. Girls become mean and boys become reckless and when the two meet in the middle giggling red-cheek stuttering conversations occur. This miasma of hormonal change forces them to relearn how to be working units in the group dynamic.

I have been doing research and talking with people and doing a lot of recalling of my own childhood so that as we embark of this journey, I don't make matters worse.

Here is what I have learned thus far, in no particular order of priority:

1. Children are sponges and can learn new skills.
2. Making friends and the process of it is a habit.
3. Good habits take one month of daily repetition in order to stick.
4. If the child is happy, and thriving...leave them alone.
5. If they are not, find out why.
6. Organization skills fly right out the window when puberty hits
7. It's OK, so long as they take responsibility for losing that paper.
8. You can help them relearn organization.
9. Organization is a habit.
10. See #3
11. Being a broken record annoys the average 11 year old into doing what you want them to.
12. Just because you think that making them sit on their bed and think about what's happened, and not entertain them-self with a book/portable game system, is a good consequence, doesn't mean they do.
13. The average preteen craves time alone, giving it to them is not a good consequence for a bad choice.
14. She is not me and my feelings are not her's and just because I felt that way doesn't mean she does.
15. This is the time of their lives when they must learn what it means to be an adult and as such I must step back and let her fall down, and yeah it's going to hurt, but I'll be there to talk about how to make the hurt go away.
16. The average preteen will do everything in their power to avoid personal hygiene, get used to it and invest in deodorant.
17. Clothes in the Junior's department are much more expensive than in the children's department.
18. Preteen girls are mean and judgmental and can not overlook flaws in others.
19. The average preteen girl cries. All the time. About everything.
and finally
20. One day we will come out on the other side and she'll be my sweet bear again.

Parenting a preteen is not an easy task and every child is different. We must help them make it through this time so that they can enter into the world of adulthood (which, by the way, happens not on their 18th birthday, but around their 13th, more on this later) with a good working knowledge of what is expected of them.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how we can help them on this often rocky path.