Something else I worry over...

You know we all worry about how messed up our kids are going to be, but I think it begins to take on an entirely different meaning when you have a child with special needs. Though I'm not sure that K's needs are all that special in the grand scheme of things. Especially when I see other children who are not as high functioning as she is, and have the same troubles.

Anyway, my point here is I wondered again today how messed up I've already made my kids. I mean I know the goal is to raise them, so that they are independent and -want- to leave, but do I do that to the detriment of their mental health and further more, what is healthy? I know each person has their own definition of healthy, and happy, and normal, but do or rather will my kids fit with in the acceptable parameters of normal?

I don't worry so much about B, though I have realized in the last week that I cling a little too tightly and she really really needs me to let go. I mean really let go, not pretend to let go and then follow along behind her hiding in the bushes. She's already figured out who she is, well in so much as an 11 year old can figure that out. She smart, funny, has a knack for finding the engaging in any situation, loves fully, expresses emotion with passion, and knows what she wants to be when she grows up. I've been informed, by the way, that she wants to go to NYU. Good luck, baby, that's all I have to say about that.

Then, we turn our heads and look down K's road, and that is when I really start to worry. Will she ever be able to live on her own? Will I be her guardian until I no longer have my own faculties? Do I have what it takes to see her through until she can take care of herself? And damn it, will she ever learn to put her dishes in the sink?

I don't know, and that scares the bejeezus out of me. I know, I've got a full ten years left before she's even old enough to go off to college, that should be plenty of time, right? I like to tell myself that she'll be so used to medications and such, that she'll stay on her meds, but that doesn't mean that she will. I like to tell myself that she will have caught up to herself and be developmentally 18, when she's chronologically 18, but that doesn't mean that she will. But to be frank, one of us on this team has to remain optimistic, or that kid simply doesn't have a chance.

Bet that as it may, I am determined that by the end of this week she will be putting her dishes in the sink after each meal, with out being told to do so. And my insistance on such a thing, is going to make it so that when she is on her own, her dishes will never make it to the sink again...

The Great Outdoors

I went camping. Not a monumental thing I know, but it is if you know me. I am not an outdoorsy person. I wasn't raised that way, believe me. We camped often and I spent my days out of doors, coming in only when I was called.

However, I've become a bit of a priss. I do not like to be dirty, touch dirty things nor be outside. I like my nature in nice neat packages called play parks, my favorite is the one with wifi, or perhaps on a nice restaurant patio. I do not enjoy peeing outside, hiking, fishing, sleeping on the ground, bugs, etc...

Or so I thought. I had the best time. I'm sure that the company on the trip made a huge difference in how much I enjoyed myself. We went with a group of families from our Sunday School. The girls had so very much fun playing with their Sunday School friends, hiking, fishing, and jumping into what must have been the freezing waters of the cove. They sat around their first campfire, that was not in a backyard, ate burned marshmallows between chocolate and graham crackers, and slept on the ground for the first time.

I went hiking, watched my girls fish, and had the joy of eating grilled burgers and hot dogs and sitting around a camp fire while the kids played a safe distance away. I did not sleep on the ground, I slept on an air mattress, but I do wish I'd brought a second blanket. I woke to the sound of birds playing in the trees, and had camp coffee.

I'd forgotten just how amazing nature is, and how much I love the world God made and how relaxing it can be.

It is amazing the things from our childhood we leave behind as an adult thinking that we don't or won't enjoy them anymore.

I Can Cook!

Very well actually, though my innate clumsiness often ruins my big plans. Meh, c'est la vie!

So tonight I decided to get creative in the kitchen and once more came up with an awesome recipe that I just had to share!

I don't know what to call this dish, but if my family's praise is any indication I will be making it again. To make this fabulous dish you will need:

Approx. 1.25 lbs of firm white fish, I used tilapia
1 jar of your favorite citrus marinade for fish (I use Citrus Fin and Feather)
10-15 Kalamata Olives from the olive bar at your local grocery store
1 fist-sized ball of fresh mozzarella
1 package Buttoni Angel Hair Pasta
Olive oil

Marinade fish for at least one to four hours over night is better.
At dinner time, bring 4 quarts of water to a boil. As that is coming to a boil, heat a large skillet over medium heat, add a small amount of olive oil. Place fish in pan, let sear for one minute, then add half of your marinading liquid to the pan. Cover.

Meanwhile, chop the olives, the food processor works best for this, six quick pulses and you're done. Cut the mozzarella into 1/2 in cubes. Drop pasta into boiling water. Boil for one minute. Remove fish from heat.

Drain pasta, and place into a serving bowl, drizzle with olive oil, toss to coat. Toss in mozzarella and olives.

Place a serving of pasta on a plate, place a serving of fish over the pasta. Serve with bread and a salad.


Enjoy! And let me know what you think if you try it out!


What I learned today: If you do not want the mozzarella to melt do not mix it with the pasta in the pan you cooked it in.

Stranger Danger

What does that really mean? I tell my kids often not to talk to strangers, don't tell them your name, don't engage in conversation, and never ever ever go anywhere with anyone you don't know. But then I turn around and talk to strangers, engage them with conversation, the only rule I follow is not going anywhere with them.

What message is this sending my children? Should I not talk to the other moms at the park, just to live by those rules I've given my children? Should I never speak to the checker at the grocery store. Do I not answer my phone when it displays an unknown number?

Obviously I can't refrain from those conversations, but then how do I lead by example? Where is the line here? Honestly I don't know.

I write this because I am sitting an indoor playground, you know one of those places with ten different bounce houses, this particular one has a foam blocks pit for the kids to jump and dive into. K was in the pit and had hurt herself, and asked another mom to find me. The mom, said she'd be happy to call me if K knew my cell phone number, this happens to be the only phone number she does know, since we have 3, and K rattled the numbers off and the mom called me.

Was this a violation of don't talk to strangers or adhering to if you need help find a mommy or a person in uniform? I'm not really sure, mostly I just feel uncomfortable that the mom asked my daughter for my cell phone number. I would much rather she'd asked K my name and called that out into the big open air that is this place.

Perhaps I am being over protective, this mom really was just trying to help, but it seems to me that if we want to teach our children to be cautious of strangers, then this is not the best way to do that. But then I am left with this dilemma... If I make her scared of strangers, will she become withdrawn and never speak to anyone? If I allow her to speak with everyone not worrying about it, will I lose my baby to an enterprising kidnapper? Where is the balance here?


What I learned today: Nothing really, just a lot of questions and that my daughter's philosophy of "There are no strangers, only friends I haven't met yet," scares the crap out of me.