Wow!

It is very difficult to be patient and wait for prayer to be answered. I find this is true in all aspects of my life. However, when we least expect it, God will answer our prayers, sometimes in the most phenomenal way.

The Preschool I work for, like most places, is feeling the sting of the economic downturn and our enrollment has been very low. We pray daily for God to bring us more children. Though I must admit that I sometimes forget to ask God for children that need to hear about his love, and instead just ask for warm bodies to fill in the empty spaces.

Today God made it plain to us that he has been listening and knows our needs. He brought us four children today. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Four children may not sound like a lot, but when your maximum capacity is 104 and you have less that 75% enrollment, four is a very big number.

He works in our lives each day and it took a big beautiful thing like four new children, to help me remember that he does hear and answer prayer. He has brought us families that are in need of His love and we have the incredible privileged of sharing the Gospel with them.

What I re-learned today: God answers prayer, only sometimes he says yes, others no and still others with wait. He reminded me that He has a plan for our little school and that in His time we will see it.

Icky Sicky

It is often a wonder to me how I always manage to catch whatever bug is going around, while my children and husband remain healthy. I take my vitamin C every day, wash my hands almost as often as a nurse in an ER and spray all of my surfaces at work with lysol before going home. Perhaps I am over protecting myself.

One thing I do know, bronchitis suuuuuuucks. Big time. Though on the up side I get really awesome prescription cough suppressants and an excuse to go to bed early and stay there. I have to wonder what it is that causes me to find all of the nasty little bugs going around. Though I am trying really hard to cough up my lungs and it feels like a cat has curled up inside my chest, I am grateful I managed not to catch the strep throat bug going around. Hooray!

So what did I learn today? Never hug the therapist who has a throat tickle, because you will catch her stupid bronchitis.

Parenting the Preteen Monster

My apologies for the delay in posting, I managed to catch the tummy bug going around my preschool.

So when last we spoke I shared with you what it is I know about the preteen child, so I have had someone ask, "well then how do we go about parenting our preteen, and you weren't serious when you said my child becomes an adult at 13 were you?"

I'd like to address the second question first. Biologically speaking the human body is designed to be fruitful and multiply and long ago when children did not always live to adulthood each couple was expected to bare as many children as were possible. The women of this time were able to do so as early as age 13, and so were married and began producing children and tending a household.

In our time this multitude of births is no longer necessary or even wanted (in most cases) and so our children are not expected to take on the responsiblities of adulthood at age 13. This however does not negate biology. Their little bodies still develop and change and lay the foundations for procreation. Thus we can no longer think of them as little children, but as the young adults that they are. They have adult thoughts, feelings, urges and needs and we must look at them in such a light and prepare them for it. Give them the tools to have self control, make wise choices and understand their place in the world.

How do we do this? How do we parent a preteen? My first answer to this is with patient love. They must face a plethora of change in just a short amount of time, and they must do it away from us, at school, for almost half of each day. So we must give them a lot of leeway, the same way that you gave your boundary pushing independence seeking three year old leeway.

This does not mean becoming your child's door mat, or their friend, or the cool mom/dad. This means, just as it did with your three year old, setting firm boundaries, using concise language and being consistent in giving consequences. They need consistency just as much as they did before, or perhaps more so, as they learn control over this new body. But within those boundries, give them leeway to find their own way of approaching a situation, of handling a problem, of working out a solution. By doing this you are setting them up to become adults with good problem solving skills in times of stress.

I will guarantee you that your child will "hate" you for these limitations, but will thank you for them when she is out in the world struggling under a boss who micromanages or a professor who has higher than normal expectations of his students.

It is not easy by any means, believe me, my child tries my patience each and every day and I am forced to have the same conversations with her over and over and over and over again. I spend a great deal of my time reminding her of manners and how to be respectful and how to be kind to her sister. It seems as though she's lost her mind and I must help her find it every day. She's rude, disrespectful, sloppy, disregards personal hygiene, is forgetful, disorganized and strangely quiet.

When I run through this litany it sounds like the warning signs of a child with depression or who has begun to take drugs. I was so concerned, I asked her therapist (yes she sees a therapist, but if you had a sister with the number of special needs her sister has, you'd need one too) who said, "it's just puberty, and will right itself soon."

Is this comforting? Not really, as it changes nothing, but it does put it into perspective and helps me to not yell at her about rolling her eyes again, or snatching something from her sister like she is a toddler and forgot how to use her words.

Do I worry I am doing it wrong and screwing her up for the rest of her life? Yes! Does this change the way I approach this? Not really. You see, we all have this fear of screwing up our children the way our own parents sis to us. But I ask you, didn't your parents give you life lessons along with that screwed up way of viewing sex? Don't you know how to handle certain situations better because of how your parents interacted with you?

To this worry, I say, stop it! You can never be the perfect parent, but you can do your best. Will you always react to your child's backtalk with calm understanding and firm redirection? No, you'll yell and tell them your sick of how they talk to you and it needs to stop right now. Don't beat yourself up about it, just admit your mistake and move on.

To you, the parent of a preteen, I say good luck, it will all turn out alright in the end.

The Preteen Monster...erm I mean Child.

As you know I have two children and my oldest is in the 5th grade. As such she is struggling with learning not only the daily academia but also the ins and outs of social interaction. Don't get me wrong, each child struggles with this, but usually by 5th grade they've figured out how to be working units in a group dynamic. Then you toss 60+ children all dumping life changing hormones into a three tiny classrooms and you have a breeding ground for catty displays of territorial proclamation. Girls become mean and boys become reckless and when the two meet in the middle giggling red-cheek stuttering conversations occur. This miasma of hormonal change forces them to relearn how to be working units in the group dynamic.

I have been doing research and talking with people and doing a lot of recalling of my own childhood so that as we embark of this journey, I don't make matters worse.

Here is what I have learned thus far, in no particular order of priority:

1. Children are sponges and can learn new skills.
2. Making friends and the process of it is a habit.
3. Good habits take one month of daily repetition in order to stick.
4. If the child is happy, and thriving...leave them alone.
5. If they are not, find out why.
6. Organization skills fly right out the window when puberty hits
7. It's OK, so long as they take responsibility for losing that paper.
8. You can help them relearn organization.
9. Organization is a habit.
10. See #3
11. Being a broken record annoys the average 11 year old into doing what you want them to.
12. Just because you think that making them sit on their bed and think about what's happened, and not entertain them-self with a book/portable game system, is a good consequence, doesn't mean they do.
13. The average preteen craves time alone, giving it to them is not a good consequence for a bad choice.
14. She is not me and my feelings are not her's and just because I felt that way doesn't mean she does.
15. This is the time of their lives when they must learn what it means to be an adult and as such I must step back and let her fall down, and yeah it's going to hurt, but I'll be there to talk about how to make the hurt go away.
16. The average preteen will do everything in their power to avoid personal hygiene, get used to it and invest in deodorant.
17. Clothes in the Junior's department are much more expensive than in the children's department.
18. Preteen girls are mean and judgmental and can not overlook flaws in others.
19. The average preteen girl cries. All the time. About everything.
and finally
20. One day we will come out on the other side and she'll be my sweet bear again.

Parenting a preteen is not an easy task and every child is different. We must help them make it through this time so that they can enter into the world of adulthood (which, by the way, happens not on their 18th birthday, but around their 13th, more on this later) with a good working knowledge of what is expected of them.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how we can help them on this often rocky path.

Holey Jeans

I often wonder what goes through a child's head as they ask you a question over something that has them perplexed. What is their ideal of whatever it is they are asking about?

I own a pair of shall we say artfully distressed blue jeans and today, one or two children out of every class I came into contact with asked, "Ms. Sarah, why you got holes in your pants?"

One such conversation went like this, please keep in mind that by this time I'd grown tired of answering this question:

"Ms. Sarah why you got holes in your pants?"

"Well when I went to the pants store this is the only pair they had left."

"Oh, well I hope you didn't pay too much for them."

"No not really."

"You know, my mommy don't let me wear pant with holes in them."

I have not quite figured out why the children were so worried about the holes in my jeans, and why this particular little girl was concerned for my pocketbook. It would be fascinating to delve into the minds of children and listen to the inner monologue that each of them has with themselves as they ask questions and receive answers. Do they buy into what we tell them, or simply store the knowledge for later use? If I were to have carried that conversation further, would we have continued to talk about holey clothes or would this have lead into another subject entirely? And do children really care if my pants have holes or not, or do they just want to satisfy that momentary curiosity?

What I learned today: Don't wear pants with holes in them if you are going to work in a classroom.

And so We Begin

I have been told on more than one occasion that I should blog about my life. I've never been entirely sure why, but I figured it's time to give it a go.

For those of you that know me, hello, and for those that do not a brief introduction.

I've been married to a pretty cool guy for over 11 years and we have two kids. The oldest, is 11 and forging into the strange other world known as puberty and the youngest is 8 and is my special needs kiddo. I learn a lot about myself and that crazy mixed up place called parenting with these two. The little one, whom I'll mostly refer to as K, has bi-polar disorder complicated by ADHD, SID, and Dysgraphia. I'm a preschool administrator, an avid reader, and I dare say a decent writer. I play video games, most especially World of Warcraft. (Worry not this will not be a gaming blog, nor will I regale you all with my sundry adventures in Azeroth.) And during the fall months I make ornaments for my co-workers. And that's me in a nutshell.

I often say to people that you should learn something new every day, and so I will share what I learn each day with you the readers of this little blog.


Enjoy and to each I say never stop learning.