Another Mommy Moment

I think sometimes I forget that my children are getting older with each passing day. I get stuck in the same old grind of the everyday get up, get dressed, get them off to school, go to work, come home, badger them into doing homework, dinner, chores, and bedtime, that I forget that that was one of the finite number of days I'll have them here with me.

And then something reminds me that each day is indeed another step to their leaving the nest. Case in point; B lost her very last baby tooth today. That very last molar that has been hanging on for dear life to her pink little gums, finally gave up the ghost and went the way of all baby teeth.

How did she let me know of this momentous occasion? Via text "i just lost m tooth"

That was it. No exclamation points, not capital letters, not even an emoticon. I sighed softly, and then gave her my equally calm response...
"Cool! Well not cool to loose it on the bus."

But it was a small and poignant reminder that my sweet little girl is growing up and not too long from now she'll be dating, driving, then going off to college. It made me a bit weepy, just to think about it, to which my husband commented, "It's just a tooth Sarah."

And he's right it is just a tooth, but it was the last one, there isn't anything baby left. She's well and firmly on the road to adulthood. It's enough to make a mama lay down and bawl. Or get up and go get the dishes done, the car cleaned out and the oil changed, because after all life goes on.

Spring Break Checklist

Find defunct electronics to give to Steph- Check

Start packing doo-dads, nick-knacks, whatnots and whosits- Check

Go back and forth with creditors about stuff that isn't even our debt- Check

Play doofy board games with my daughter- Check

Worry about my children's mental health in the face of scary things- Check

Realize that I am remaining so much more calm these days thanks to actually following the advice in a book I read- Check

Go look at houses and worry if we're doing the right thing by uprooting the kids- Check, uh in a few hours anyway.

Take K to the obligatory day at the inflatables place and come home with a migraine that insists on hanging out for almost four days- Check

Practice guitar until Hubby comes in, rolls his eyes and says, "Don't you know any songs yet?" then commence playing Do Lord for the umpteenth time with the new bass walks in it. - Check

Finish another chapter in the novel I haven't written on in almost a year- CHECK!!!!!

Wonder why it is that children in our great nation must handle, work through, attempt, understand, feel, battle, mourn, and juggle things that most adults can barely do the same with. Why are the evil people allowed to produce and raise children that are broken and scarred? Why does society brush them into the corners and try to pretend it never happened? Or why in the world do they blame the child when they commit the same atrocities as the two people who were supposed to love and protect them? And I mourn the small loss of innocence every time I have to tell my children about those people and of their broken children. But I also get to teach my children compassion, about love that's never failing, and show them how to be the hands and feet of Jesus when they come across the broken. I get to show them that these are precious children of God and that no matter what their past says about them or what the cold statistics of law enforcement decree, they can love them anyway. We can give them hope and joy in the midst of their broken hearts. oh...er...check.

And remember when you go out into the world, hold hands and stick together.

I was surprised...

...at how disconnected I felt all weekend. I went to Dallas to our annual LCMS Texas District Early Childhood Educators Conference, and I had trouble getting my phone to connect to the internet, which meant I was only able to check my email once a day, and I didn't check facebook at all, so that I didn't use too much data at the end of the month.

I felt so...out of touch. I don't know what this surprises me, I know how wired I am, and yet I wasn't expecting this feeling of disconnect. I even had to make up for it a little by texting with C, something I -never- do. I should say, "I need to just remove as much of this technology from my life as possible." But, well I don't want to. I like being connected to old friends, and knowing what's going on in the lives of my family, and feel connected to them because of it. I don't have enough time in my life to engage long phone conversations with all of the people on my facebook page, nor do I have any desire to do so. I like that my phone gives me instant access to all of these things.

*shrug* I honestly don't know the right answer.

I do know I had a great time this weekend. I learned quite a bit and I enjoyed a time of fun fellowship with my coworkers outside of our day-to-day. So I won't let the little bit of disconnect from the rest of my life take that away from me.

The Beauty of Simplicity

Often I am amazed at how the Holy Spirit works in my life, when I am struggling to understand a concept, or to show another how I feel it is because I have never experienced it. And then the Spirit puts people in my path to show me what it means to be enfolded in love, to show me exactly what I couldn't figure out on my own.

He gives me the exact right people and situations that I need in order to wrap myself in Him and then share what I have learned. I know that He hears my prayers when these miraculous sendings happen. He helps me see how to express what I feel in a way that is loving and filled with Him, so that I do not harm the object of my struggle.

It is hard to give someone information that is painful to hear in a way that is loving, when you've never been on the receiving end of the same. It is an easy concept, learn from those around you and share the knowledge. It is a beautiful simplicity. Which reminds me of a song (shocking, I know)

The Beauty of Simplicity
by Telecast

It's the beauty of simplicity, that brings me down to my knees
I'll praise you for eternity, and Lord I love you
Because you, you first loved me.

It's the beauty of simplicity, that fills me with eternity
I've tasted your divinity, and Lord I love you
Because you, you first loved me.

And all God's people say
We.... we love you, we love you Lord, we love you
And we... we love you, we love you Lord, we love you
We love you

It's the beauty of simplicity that brings me down to my knees
I'll praise you for eternity, and Lord I love you
Because you, you first loved...

You gave yourself away, just that I could stay
You took my place in death and rose that I could say
That you are holy and you alone deserve my praise

And all God's people say
We... we love you, we love you Lord, we love you
And we... we love you, we love you Lord, we love you
We love you



Because sometimes it's all about sharing love, no matter how angry you are, how hurt you are, how much time has passed, who you hurt, who you thought you hurt but didn't, how ugly, or how painful it is, was or will be. It is the beauty of forgiveness, the beauty of simplicity...

Yeah...well..okay fine!

I have to wonder sometimes at all the little things that happen in life and why they annoy the crap out of me. I think you get to the point when you just can't not sweat the small stuff. I try really hard to not let it bug me, and I'm lucky to have friends that don't mind listening to me bitch about the little things so that it is easier to let go.

But right now, I just can't seem to get past the little stuff. I finally got my car back, and now it's broken again. No mouse this time, but I have a feeling I'm going to lose the use of my car for a couple of days. I hope not. I'm hoping for the we just need to reboot your car's computer, give us an hour, route. There's more, I could list them all, but that doesn't serve any purpose, except to bring you all down with me, and really what's the point of that.

Nah, I think I'll talk about the joys and the blessings in my life, and maybe I'll not be so bothered by the desire to claw my allergy laden puffy, itchy eyes from my skull. *chuckle*

I really want to talk about K. A few weeks ago we saw her psychiatrist, and increased her meds. I am not a big fan of blaming all her behavior on the meds, but the change in her was marked. I'm happy for her, and the ease of her life when the medicine works right. She knows the difference in herself when she hasn't taken it and it makes her more willing to remember and that gives me hope.

I know I shouldn't, but I lay awake at night from time to time and think about the what ifs. What if she can never be on her own? Am I strong enough to care for her for the rest of my life? I don't know, but what I do know is that she is precious and this time right now she is well, and happy, except for P.E. class when the teacher wouldn't let her get a drink because she was playing while waiting her turn. :)

I have this amazing opportunity to sit on the floor and play a really boring game, that suddenly is fun and funny because I'm playing with K. She has this knack for making everything she's doing fun, even when it's the spelling homework she hates. She laughs freely and loves hugely, and it is catching.

But my blessed life doesn't end there, I have my lovely twelve year old, who is beginning to come into what is a very interesting personality. She's bright, and curious and so incredibly smart. We have these great conversations and I'm starting to see the woman she could become.

I have a husband who wants to enrich our lives and our marriage and it has brought fun and laughter tenfold into our lives. I am fortunate to be in a career I absolutely love, with all of my heart. I am well and truly bless, and the Lord has been very good to me.

Thanks! I needed that reminder that the small stuff is just that, small and though it can feel overwhelming, it doesn't eclipse the beauty that is in my life.

The Mouse in My Car

Okay, so on Tuesday I went out to my car and noticed an odd smell. No big deal there must be something left behind by the kids in the car somewhere. So I look around and find a milk container. Surely that was the culprit, then went about my day.

After a wonderful experience watching Harry Potter, I ran to a retail store, and the smell was still there. Okay, fine, I didn't find it. I was in the store maybe 30 minutes and by the time I got back out to the car the smell was overwhelming. Okay...fine I call C and he comes down stairs and we begin to clean out the little bit of mess in the car. Still the smell is there. So C pulls up the mat in the front and we found mouse droppings, well damn.

What is it about the Malibu that the mice like? This makes our second mousey visitor. C pulls the panels from around the console and we found a little mouse nest and upon vacuuming it all out and getting the car back together, the smell was still there.

I ran it up to Lamb's and told him my trouble. He went out and sniffed about in the car and said, yup, something has died in there, but I can't help you tonight, I close in an hour. Crap.

So this morning, I took my sad smelly car to Lamb's. They pulled off the panels, took out the seat, took off the door, and sniffed their way to where they thought he might be. Using a camera scope, they found the dead little mouse in... get this, the door frame.

Not the door panel, or the a/c box, or a duct, but in the actual metal frame tube that the car is built around. You know the only metal, save the engine, in my car? The only way to get to dead mouse...cutting the frame open, clean him out and weld it back together.

Enter the insurance company. Thank you, hubby for insisting we have the most comprehensive coverage you can get on a car, sure it's a little expensive, but they are going to pay to take care of what has now been declared a health hazard and provide a rental car and I'm only out fifty bucks.


Yeah...so now I'm going to have dead decaying thing sitting in the frame of my car until Monday when the insurance claims guy goes out and inspects the car, then they will find the best solution for getting out the freaking health hazard, and then... I'll get my sad stinky car back.

*sigh*

Birthday Ponderings

Wanted: One time machine, capable of sending me back in time to inhabit myself 13 years ago, armed with the knowledge I have now.

But Sarah, why would you want to go back?

Ah, because I would make such DIFFERENT choices. I would spend more time watching my children sleep, and sliding down the yellow plastic slide at the park and reading that extra story, and I would have started K on meds a full year earlier. I would have taken more pictures and spent that extra hour at the park even though I was tired and ready to go home, but they weren't. I would have listened to my husbands advice sooner, and been more willing to admit he was right.

Of course there are things I would do the same. I would still vaccinate my children, and I would still have taken time to sleep in on Saturdays and I would still let them climb to the top, even though I was so sure they were going to fall and break an arm. I would still rock them to sleep, and sit bleary-eyed in the doorway of their room listening to them breath as they struggled through the croup. I would still pester their teachers with questions that every mom wants to ask and sometimes never does.

But then again...

I wouldn't have the children I have now. They would be different and I rather like who they are. Even when I have to cut gum out of K's hair or pay the extra $125.00 on my phone bill B racked up using the internet, though maybe I'd have disable the internet from the get go...

Still, I love the crazy mixed up girls in my life and I'm so glad to have celebrated another year of their lives with them.